For years I have noticed that I am a very different person in the morning than I am during the day and different again in the evening. In the morning, I am fresh and alert and I get things done in bursts about 10x quicker than I do during the day or evening. A big part of this is my ability and willingness to make rapid decisions in the morning. However, the morning is not the best time for me to write a reflective piece, like the one I am writing now in the evening.
Several months ago, I made a conscious decision to leverage these differences by giving each self a voice. Once morning-self, daytime-self and evening-self got going, there was no stopping them! They began to problem-solve, decide on core competencies, offer each other support and really develop and define their roles. So am I, Sonya, nuts with three personalities running my life? Heck no, I as a whole am just about the most normal well-adjusted person I know. So why create this internal dialogue? Giving different parts of yourself their own voice allows you to take on each role more fully and get creative and excited about being part of a team. It can provide you with many of the positives that are involved with team building including a feeling of being supported by others and the satisfaction of contributing to a team effort that is greater than your individual role on the team. It is an added benefit that my team members know each other really well though through this separation of roles I have learned a lot about my parts and myself as a whole.
As I, evening-Sonya am writing this article, I feel happy that morning and daytime Sonya will experience satisfaction that a project was completed that we all contributed to. It is likely that morning-Sonya will be the final proof-reader and take all the steps to post the article and that takes some of the burden off of me in the evening because I like to create and not worry about finalizing anything. Once I finish this article, I will feel good that my role is done for the day. If I fail to do my part, then I am letting morning-Sonya down and possibly piling my work onto her.
We (morning, daytime and evening Sonya) would like to share with you what we have established as our roles and how it works so that you too may consider the value of conversing with your selves.
Defining Roles
Morning Sonya is in charge of the time from wake up to 8am. She is the most willing to take quick action and make decisions. Thus she is the leader and the buck stops with her. She is the CEO of all that is Sonya. If something must get done she is responsible. That said, she has less time to work with than daytime and evening Sonya, so she has an understanding with these two that their roles are super important if Sonya is to succeed and that it does not work to dump all projects on morning Sonya. Morning Sonya is very dependent on evening-Sonya to get a good night sleep at a reasonable hour for example. Morning Sonya enjoys more time and better quality time when all three Sonya’s adhere to the 13 habits of becoming an early riser.
Daytime Sonya has the most time to work with, starting at 8am and going until 5pm and also has the most complex set of duties to accomplish. She is the breadwinner. She is the one that is primarily responsible for going to work and she has many other chores to do as well, especially on the weekend. She is the work horse of the three but relies on the others for encouragement, support and assistance with big projects. She is most affected by external circumstances such as happenings in the workplace. So in many ways she feels that she has the most difficult job.
Evening Sonya begins her day at 5pm and goes until sleep time, which usually falls somewhere between 10pm and midnight. She has many social and enrichment obligations and is also in charge of writing projects, planning, reflective exercises such as journaling and the big one: making darn sure she goes to sleep relaxed and happy. Sonya-tomorrow really likes that one! Evening Sonya is not expected to take on duties that are not conducive to relaxation and may get her thinking or worrying. She can chip in as she likes, but she is not expected to deal with the finances for example. She is not the one to finish projects but is an important advisor to the group as she is often calmer and more reflective than the other two. She is the planner and the organizer–looking ahead at the week, checking the weather and the calendar for appointments. Sonya’s world also works better when evening Sonya prepares healthy food for the next day.
Transitions and Sharing are Key
Although each self has their own core competencies, needs, and tasks, there is a lot of cross-over and sharing of duties and experiences. It helps to know which self is primary for a task or experience because this type of clarity renders decision making so much easier. If one self tries to delegate too much to another self, it usually backfires.
The Sonya’s have developed a habit of increasing communication around a transition time. They often have a “hand-off” conversation. For example, a little before 8am, morning Sonya may have a planning session with daytime Sonya to keep the day rolling well and offer moral support for any challenges she is expected to face. There are some tasks that usually occur around the time of transition. For example, a mid day hypnosis nap may occur a little before or after 5pm and often times is a great way to transition from daytime to evening Sonya. Exercise is a task that any of the three may do. It is great when morning Sonya completes this important task because then it is done for the day, however there are also great benefits of having evening Sonya do a workout because it promotes restful sleep. Daytime Sonya likes to get out for a lot of walks, as does evening Sonya.
Sometimes they argue. They have learned to talk to each other really nicely though. It is very powerful for morning Sonya to express to daytime and evening Sonya how their previous day food and sleep choices really screwed up the morning and how that will spill back over into their current day as well. It is much easier to perceive the consequences of your actions and how they affect another if you truly perceive the affect yourself. It makes you more conscious. This also works with showing gratitude and appreciation for helpful actions of another self.
Alternative Roles
Certainly morning/daytime/evening selves is not the only way to achieve separate identities with unique voices. I and many others practice different types of separation such as:
- future/past selves (Sonya +/- 10 years)
- different roles (employee, financial manager, director of physical fitness)
- different states of mind (fearful self, calm self)
What I (we) have found unique about the time of day identities is that it is reinforced on a daily basis and thus the roles are allowed to flourish over time. It is also unique in that at given time of day, I identify primarily with one role. If you would like to try something similar for yourself I (we)have just a few hints based on my (our) experiences:
- Start slow and let the distinction become clear gradually over time. I started with the concept of noticing the differences in myself in the morning, daytime and evening, but it took a while to define the natural breaks in time of 8am, and 5pm.
- Have the goal to work towards distinct definitions of each role. Eventually you clearly want to know which self to identify with at any given time. So for example the time of day that the transition occurs is very helpful. Defining roles that are analogous to what you are already familiar with on a team setting or in the workplace is also very helpful. In my case, morning Sonya is the CEO/executive branch, daytime Sonya is the general work staff, and evening Sonya is the advisor and ambassador.
- Be flexible and expect roles to be fluid and develop and change over time. I am constantly making refinements in who does what and I know that certain roles will depend on external factors. For example, evening Sonya has more opportunity to share in outdoor experiences such as yard work and hiking in the summertime when it is light out longer than she does in the winter. A large urgent project such as getting taxes done may require extra effort from all team members.
- Journal regularly and switch it up based on which self is dominant. I often journal and give each identity a voice during a single journaling session, however I am always conscious of which self is dominant based on time of day and that tends to be the perspective from which I journal.
- Have fun and don’t take it too seriously. Make this endeavor your own and don’t follow my advice too carefully. Chances are good that some of what I say will not work for you and you have a lot to add to this model that is more reflective of your lifestyle and your personality. Build your own team.
*Morning, Evening and Daytime Sonya all contributed to this article. All three wanted a voice in it. Evening Sonya provided the bulk of the content. Encouraged that the article was 80 percent done, morning Sonya was happy to provide added content and structure. Credit goes to Daytime Sonya for finalizing the content, adding a picture, editing and posting. Just like team members like to help other team members that help themselves, your different parts are more enthused about contributing to a project that has buy-in from each self.
