May 12, 2008

Recently, Steve Pavlina, an excellent blogger in the area of personal development, wrote an article entitled "How to be a Man".

Steve challenged his readers to submit articles on “How to be a Woman” that will be evaluated by him and his wife, Erin Pavlina. I am excited to respond to their invitation with my view of “How to be a Woman”. I am using this article to debut my Internet site, which I am building as a resource to encourage people to live consciously and expand their vision beyond the box of ordinary living.

I encourage you to read my article and provide me with your thoughts and examples of how to live consciously as a man or a woman. Please email me your responses at sidky@charter.net.

How to be a Woman

A woman in today’s world has infinite possibilities on how to create a life that fulfills her and serves the greater good of others. Creating this type of life must happen by conscious choice. A woman is no more likely to happen upon her true path than a great Frank Lloyd Wright building is likely to design itself. The blueprint of a conscious woman’s life is designed by one deliberate action after another. So how does a woman begin the journey of living consciously? One way is to explore what the life of a conscious woman looks like. I am happy to share my view with you and welcome your feedback. Here are the components of a woman’s nature that I feel are key to living a highly conscious life:

Women and Power

A powerful woman is self-reliant. She values the help of others, but charts the course of her own ship. By exuding confidence, it is clear to the powerful woman and to the people she interacts with, that she controls her own destiny.

A woman does not surrender her power to others. She asserts herself clearly. She strives to be understood, but does not need approval or sympathy from others. A woman follows her heart and her head regardless of whether or not that leads her to a socially accepted course of action.

A woman is powerful because she knows herself and trusts herself. She does not need reassurance from others, but welcomes encouragement from and collaboration with others. She is secure enough in herself to acknowledge when someone has a better idea than her own that is worth acting on. She readily gives credit where credit is due.

As an astute woman, she realizes that not everyone approaches others with the same “win-win” attitude that she does. She is aware of the agenda of the people and institutions that affect her, and carefully evaluates whether or not these agendas align with her own. She does not allow herself to be thrown off course or blindsided by the agenda of others, whether overt or hidden. She is confident and lives her life boldly without asking for permission from others, although she welcomes input from trusted sources. Intuition is a major source of a woman’s power. Because she trusts herself, she has a great BS detector and is able to steer clear from people who do not have her best interests at heart.

Women and Communication

A fully self-expressed woman wants to be heard by others. However, she does not need their approval, nor does she need to be liked. She is able to recognize unhealthy communication patterns in relationships and addresses misunderstandings that arise. If necessary, she dissolves unhealthy relationships and avoids getting entangled in drama. A woman is aware of her bottom-line needs and is able to express them clearly to others. She is able to sense when a relationship lacks something important or feels unsafe. If a new type of situation challenges her, she is able to adeptly recognize or define a new bottom line if it is tested. It is difficult for others to play games with or manipulate a woman with a high degree of self-awareness.

A fully self-expressed woman does not allow her feelings to fester. She does not blame others for her feelings or for her circumstances. She does hold people accountable for their actions. When conflict arises, she reaches out to others through open and non-violent communication, but ultimately respects the rights of others to choose their own way of being. Sometimes, this means she needs to cut her losses and end or distance herself from relationships that do not serve her. She realizes that this is best for all involved. A woman makes requests of others; she does not nag or make demands. She allows other people to choose their actions freely, regardless of whether or not she approves of their actions.

Women and Sexuality

A woman is more than her sexuality. She does not apologize for her femininity, but does not make it center stage either. A woman who is secure in her sexual identity neither uses it as her primary selling point, nor uses it to manipulate others. She has confidence in her abilities and has a high sense of self-worth, even in the face of others who find it less threatening to think of her only as a sexual object.

A woman takes full responsibility for getting her sexual needs fulfilled in a manner that is consistent with her values and who she is in life. She only participates in mutually satisfying romantic relationships, refusing to settle for anything less. She understands that she is better off alone than being in a relationship that is going nowhere. If she needs to end a romantic relationship, she exits with her identity and self-worth intact, because she never lost herself in the relationship in the first place.

A woman does not try to be a man. She respects the unique qualities of men. A self-assured woman, particularly one that works in field with mostly men, does not need to act macho in order to fit in. She takes responsibility for establishing her own feminine image in a way that is congruent with whom she is and she is adept at teaching others how to treat her with respect.

Woman and Care Giving

A caring woman cares for herself first. She sees her role in taking care of others as providing them access to their own power and abilities so that they can do the same. She is aware that the way she communicates with and listens to others can either empower or disempower them. She chooses to listen to people for their potential and not for their limitations. A caring woman does not do things for other people that they should do for themselves, but rather encourages them to take responsibility for their part. Most importantly, she leads by example.

A caring woman takes 100 percent responsibility for getting her needs met and expects the same from other able adults. The caring woman knows that her needs are equally valuable as the needs of others. She understands that taking care of herself is the ultimate contribution to others, including her employer, her family, her friends, her community and the planet as a whole.

A woman as a whole and fulfilled being has an abundance of love and nurture to share with others. She is not afraid to take a stand, even a very unpopular one, and to fight for the well being of others. She does so without violence or aggression.

The Path of a Women

An enlightened woman knows what is important to her. She transcends distractions and opposition skillfully. She clearly defines her priorities. She is able to assert her independence without putting people off. Others may try to control her, but they come to respect her and learn quickly that she cannot be messed with.

A woman in touch with her purpose in life may or may not follow a path within what is considered the social norm for women. If a woman’s path flies in the face of social norms, she follows through with grace. She does not shake up norms for the pure sake of making a point and drawing attention to herself. This type of “prima donna” behavior would be inauthentic in her eyes.

A woman provides her own identity and chooses her own roles in life. She is not Mrs. Harry Smith. She does not strongly identify with the accomplishments of her husband or children; she has many of her own. An enlightened woman does not even strongly identify with roles she consciously chooses. Yes, she is a mother, a daughter, an employee, a neighbor, and a friend, but her most important identity and sense of self is free of the roles she plays in life. She is in touch with her higher calling and vibrates powerfully in this world and beyond.